***WARNING*** Loose skin ahead!!!

Dec 30th 2013 

Jan. 1st 2014

FIRST OF ALL HAPPY 2014!!!!

Don't you just love how much clothing can cover/hide. I'm now down 139lbs and feel great. I'm going to be honest this post has got the be the hardest for me out of any post ever because this has to be the most personal post I have ever posted. We are going under the clothing (somewhat) and revealing the dirty truth of what it looks like to loose large amounts of weight in a short time. 

O.K. here we go

It's not easy to show others how you really look but I know it's only going to be temporary. It won't be this year (at least I don't think it will be) but I will be scheduling a full body lift so that I will be able to get rid of all my excess skin. I'm also planning on having my breast lift. I have been big all my life. Yes I have gone up and down like a roller coaster but have never been a healthy size. I still remember my 8th grade picture in the college park year book when I was on the yearbook staff. I was 220lbs then. I finally decided if I was going to do this I was going all the way. I don't just want to feel good in my skin I want to feel great about all of me (and I so totally do but still have more to go). So far I have gone from morbidly obese to finally being a healthy weight (I've lost 139lbs so far). I'm proud of myself regardless.

Thighs:

I kinda wish I had taken before pictures to compare with but when you feel huge and ugly you tend to hide from the camera. Even though I have gone from a size 26 jeans to now 9-10 I still have big thighs. I know once I have the lift a lot of  this will be gone and I will actually look like I have a butt..lol. I used to have a huge hunk of meat on the inside of both my knees, Which I still have a little but no where near as much as there used to be.

Belly:

My poor belly has been through the ringer quite a few times. About 16 years ago I had to have surgery which resulted in a long scar starting at the top of my stomach and ending at the very bottom. I've has my gallbladder removed, tubal ligation, and a hernia repair as well as my first gastric bypass done laparoscopicly and then finally I had my gastric bypass repair that resulted in my having to be opened up and leaving me with another huge scar. As of right now my belly is nothing but a scared of hanging mess of loose skin. I will be so happy to have this removed and tighten. Secretly I hope most of my scar can me removed when they do my belly.

Arms:

This is one area that isn't really easy to hide 

with clothing. I've been trying to tone this area but the more I lift weights the bigger the muscle gets but the skin keeps getting saggier underneath my arms.

Neck:

All I can say is gobble gobble gobble!!! lol. This lovely dangily skin actually runs in my family I didn't get this gobble till after I starting loosing weight. My Dr. did give me hope by telling me that it for the most part would be temerary. It looks this way because I lost so much weight so fast. She told me it may take six months but since I'm still young-ish  the collagen in my face/neck will tighten up on it's own. 

 (for the most part).

This is a picture taken today of myself and my 15 yr old son standing in the pants I myself weren't even able to fit back in Jan of 2013 because they were to small. These are the only pair of fat pants I kept as a reminder of where I used to be. I was actually in a 26 when I started but somehow ended up keeping a pair of my 24s. It's mind boggling to look back at the old pictures and compare them with pictures taken today. I hardly look like the same person. I of course see myself as bigger than I am until I see photos side by side but in the mirror I still struggle with grasping the fact that I am so much smaller than I think I am. I do feel healthier, more energetic, and whole lot happier but I guess in time I will be able to accept my lighter self and see myself as I truly am. Till then thank goodness for cameras :)

Healing as I go - June 2013

June started out pretty well. I was happy to be moving around a little more taking my pain meds a little less and finally being able it eat a little as I had been on the liquid stage till the end of March and then started some purees and then was told about mid June I could finally try some solid foods. Since I still had to be on my feeding and G tubes 16 hours a day I mostly only moved from the couch to the bathroom or to the kitchen. I tried to make my family meals but with the tubes I usually ended up with the dry heaves or as many call it foamies. Used my hand weights to get my exercise in while sitting and my husband would drag my pole up and down the street almost daily so that I could walk as much as I could handle. I felt very weak even though my feeding were mostly protein. I still was unable to drink a full protein shake a day but I did my best to at least get half.

Since I spent a lot of time sitting I decided to make use of it by doing as much research as possible to learn as much as I could about my new life change. I had read a lot about the surgery and what was involved before going under the knife but now I wanted to know it all. I started sharing links on my page so that I could go back and study what I had read and to share with others information that they themselves may not know.

 One of my first questions was,  Why do we have to wait between eating and drinking ? Well I found a link that explained it perfectly at friends don't let friends drink and eat

Facebook post:

June 4th 2013: "I never imagined being able to walk around Wal-mart would ever be considered an achievement till I lost that ability. Well today I can say I DID IT!!!! To most that means nothing but to me it's another sign that I'm getting stronger. Feeling blessed"

June 5th: "It's so hard to make the big yummy dinner I promised my family last night when I'm so nauseated but a promise is a promise. Making some beef brisket, loaded mashed potatoes, and steamed veggies...."

*In the condition I was in it was so hard not being able to do the things that had come so easily before. It was even harder not to fall into a deep depression many nights when my family was sound asleep in their beds I would cry because I felt so useless. I had been a mother for 14 years and had always been the one taking care of everybody and at this point I couldn't even take care of myself. My children and or husband had to prepare my bag for my feeding tube, they got my food/ broth or cream of something soup for me and sometimes even prepared dinner for the family. Even my husband had to unclog my tubes when they got stuck because my strength was gone. It seemed like I always got sick in the middle of the night and my husband would coming running out of the bedroom making sure I was going to be o.k. on nights he didn't have to work he would even sleep beside me on the couch in case I needed him for anything.

June 10th: "Loving how all my kiddies are camped out in the living room with me. One month ago today I was discharged from the hospital. I've made quite a bit of progress but still have a long road ahead of me. Still have my feeding and g tubes in but pray they came out soon so I can finally take a long soak in the tub and FINALLY get to sleep in my own bed and not in the living room in a recliner. And go swimming!!!!!!!"

*It seemed like everybody took turns camping out beside me even my new little companion Brutus. Thought for sure since James had gotten his as a little pup just before I left for India there was no way he would remember me but he did. He stayed by my side like he understood something was wrong. And James was right puppies sure have a way of making you feel better.

*This was one post I remember re posting a lot. I tried not to keep asking Why me? I just tried to grin and bare it and kept looking towards the future.

June 12: Getting my first real takeout meal. Refried beans, drowned in cheese dip and topped with black olives.... my mouth is watering YUMMMMM!!! Headed home to eat and watch some Nurse Jackie while the lucky ones veg out in the pool.

June 13th: Went to my nutritionist and post op appts this afternoon and got great news at both places. I'm down another 5lbs, all my labs came back at good levels, he cut my feeding tube back to only 8hrs a day. On the other hand I still have both tubes (but he rescheduled me for the 27th to see about removing them both!!!!) And lastly I had to have 2 stitches to hold my feeding tube since Nick accidentally ripped them out the other day. Other than that things are pretty good still nauseated when I wake in the morning and I still have pain at night.

June 14th: It's hard not to feel like a horrible mom when this is the fist summer where we haven't done anything. No park, lake, adventure, nothing. And its all because of a selfish decision. When I finally do get well enough to get around we have got alot of time to make up. It's really hard trying not to feel depressed when I cant join in the fun.

June 17th: Vinny and Santana making dinner all by themselves can't wait till it's finished.

*Dinner is done. Cheesy hash brown casserole. Vinny even sauteed some onions for it. They did such a great job!! I'm so Proud of my children. I did try a tiny bit and had to chew, chew, chew it till it was bout liquefied but they do a great job.

June 21st: Vinny and I made baked crab cakes and tarter sauce from scratch. (I will start sharing recipes soon)

June 25th: "Super yummy!! My double stuffed mushroom Swiss burger. Mmmmmmmm. Nothing like grilling burgers on a nice day. Made the others bacon triple cheese stuffed burgers. All bellies are full."

*I made these with ground lean steak and was only able to eat about 1/4 of mine.

 June 27th: Early appointment with my nutritionist this morning. Really starting to enjoy stepping on the scale for weight ins. Praying that tomorrow's appointment with my surgeon goes well and I get these tubes out. Life will be so much better once they are gone.

*Great visit!!! Nutritionist says I'm at 48% loss to my goal weight of 125. She says it usually takes 6 mos to get 50% but due to my complications I got there faster but I'm doing amazingly well and healing faster than expected (her words exactly) So HAPPY!!!!!!!!

June 28th: Really excited this morning. Appointment with my surgeon in a couple hours. I REALLY want my tubes OUT!!! Wish me luck.

*With a heavy heart I have to say the tubes are still there. Next appt July 10th.

June 30th: My sweet daughter took it upon herself to research protein shakes to help me keep my levels up. She surprised me with a peanut butter banana shake and it was honestly REALLY GOOD!! Thank you baby girl I couldn't ask for a better more caring daughter.

What a month June was. I went from the pureed stage to finally getting to have some solid foods. My nutritionist told me it would more than likely be a year before I could handle steak but I ended up being one of the few that could. of course I could only handle about an ounce per setting but it was helping keep my protein up since I was having trouble drinking a whole protein shake. I entered July with high hopes of finally having those tubes out. Will they finally come out? Well that will be in my next post. Hope you continue to follow along.

Finally Home May 10th 2013

I know it's been a little while since my last post but I have been super busy. Also I've come up with a little issue that ended me up in the ER and having to see my surgeon the next morning who sent me strait for a CT scan. somehow I ended up having some sort of trauma to my stomach which cause internal bleeding that caused a huge knot on my belly. the CT scar showed that it was a racket ball sized blood clot. Surgeon says my body should absorb it but I have to go back in the 31st of Oct. for him to recheck and make sure it did. Now with that out of the way I'm going to continue with my story. like I said in an earlier post a lot that happened earlier is foggy in my mind because of the heavy amount of pain killers I was on. So most of this are my Facebook updates and pictures as I go along.

May 10th 2013

*Doing a little happy dance. The doctor said I can go home today!!!! They are working on my discharge papers now and I'm keeping my fingers crossed I don't get sick.

*Happy to finally be home sweet home

Hooked up to my lovely feeding tube 24 hrs a day and also not pictured I had a G tube as well. My daughter posted this picture the day I came home. that couch ended up being my bed from May to Aug. with the feeding tube I was unable to lay in my bed. they told me you can't lay flat because the tube feeding will travel up and can choke you. I found first hand that it can make you sick as a dog. Also on the day I got home I was woke in the middle by a big bang. My husband and I found his mother unconscious on the bathroom floor not breathing and with no pulse. As I called an ambulance he put water in her face. Thank the lord some how she came to. by the time the paramedics got to our house and got her on a monitor they told us she was having a heart attack. they whisked her away to the closest hospital.

May 11th 2013

Asking for prayers and positive thoughts for James' mother. Luckily we found her in time, she had a heart attack and had to have 2 stents put in her heart last night.

May 14th 2013

Home health nurse came out today and says I'm doing great. Still got a long road of recovery ahead but I'm still up for the challenge. And another tid bit of good news, my mother in law was released from the hospital today and is doing great.

May 16th

Got 2 post op appts this morning. Keeping my fingers crossed I get to loose at least one or both of these tubes.

May 19th

Had post op appt last Thursday and was told I can unhook my tubes for a couple hours a day so I can get out. So far I've gone out and walked around Wal-mart and target every evening to get my exercise and stay cool. Well today I decided to be adventurous and take on the flea market... bad idea, we were there maybe 15 minutes and I got weak and sick. I do believe the sun had a little bit to do with it but I know I'm not ready for that. Got home hooked back up and haven't been able to shake the nausea or belly pains from the dry heaving. Hope tomorrow brings a better day.

May 20th

Still feeling miserable and can't sleep. Glad the nurse is coming in the morning I found a knot that just appeared today and its got a bruse over it. Hope it's nothing but it does hurt and I don't remember bumping into anything. In so much pain right now had to conserve my last 2 pills for tonight and now they don't seem to be working to well..... next time I wont dilly dally around and wait till the weekend before asking for a refill. Sorry for the rambling it sucks when everyone else is sleeping and I'm still stuck on the couch cause I cant sleep in my bed cause of the tube feeding. Ok done whining for now. Gonna shut my eyes and hopfully fall asleep.

James is once again my hero of the day.. He got my pain meds this morning and I'm feeling a lot better now.......... yeah I'm easy to please

My sweet boy picked me 2 beautiful roses to make me feel better.... Thank you again Nick. You always know how to make me smile.

May 21st

GOOD LUCK TO MY NEE-NEE!!!!! Missing Vinny's sports awards tonight because I started hurting but Nick stayed home to help me. He making me some soup and then it's gonna be 3D marathon time.

PROUD MAMA!!!!!! A certificate for football and a trophy for wrestling.

May 24th

I hate going from having a great day yesterday to having a utterly horrible day today. I'm in so much pain it's almost unbearable and I can't seem to kick the nausea... trying to sleep through it and pray tomorrow brings a better day.

May 28th

Still making progress. Having more good days than bad lately. Have an appt. With my surgeon Wednesday, still have my feeding tube till I can eat more and up my protein levels to where they need to be for me to be healthy. Hubby who has been taking care of me. He finally got to go back to work Sunday. And as for weight I've lost 67 lbs. I personally don't see it but everyone who sees my tells me I'm a lot smaller. I've been putting off posting any pictures of myself but I may post one soon.

May 29th

Got appts with my nutritionist and surgeon this morning but I'm so nauseated I can't seem to get going.

Down another 2 lbs. Still have my tubes but I get to cut back the feeding tube to 16 hrs a day and the other one is to stay disconnected unless I feel pressure. Getting to move to the pureed stage and was told I can test more foods. Happy that he changed my nausea meds sure hope zofran works better.

The entire first month home I lived on my feeding tube, cream of mushroom, cream of chicken, and cream of chicken and mushroom soup. I was eating (slurping) about a 1/4 of a cup at a time.

My vitamins consisted of 

Morning

1 tums ultra for calcium, 1 omeprazole (prilosec), 1 vit D3 1000 iu and Biotin 5000mcg

2 hrs later

1 Flintstones with iron chewable

Bedtime

1 tums ultra chewable, 1 biotin 5000mcg

once a week

1 B-12 5000mcg quick disolve

plus pain meds and nausea meds daily.

next post will continue into June and July

Keep up with my posts and more on my facebook page
Summer in ONEDERLAND

A MONTH OF MY LIFE LOST

My first day out of ICU 4/21/13

My first procedure in Mumbai was done laparoscopically. My second required that I get cut from the top of my stomach to the bottom.

I had 2 drainage bulbs, a G tube and a 

feeding tube

I don't know what all had to be done but I do know that my husband told me that the surgeon told him that it took multiple surgeons to piece me back together and that my intestines were a mess and that the bottom of my stomach had closed up and that is why I couldn't hold anything down. 

APRIL 23rd 2013 {FB}

Yea!,,, got my very first Popsicle today, spoke with the kids for quite awhile, and had visitors... simple pleasures , can be so sweet. Happy girl

APRIL 26TH {FB}

Still on a feeding tube and walking around all hooked up like the bionic woman but still Improving. PAIN, PAIN, PAIN, YEAH I GOT IT!!!!!! Got put on the full clear liquid diet today. Did o.k. just going to take some practice. So happy hubby has started coming over to walk with me to help my healing come along. Earlier today I was told there was no ballpark as to when I may get to go home but later this evening when James and Nick were here the doc said as long as I keep progressing I maybe home by next Friday (no promises) but its at least goal to work toward. I still thank god everyday that I let James talk me into going to the ER. Chances are I wouldn't even be typing this had I not. OH YEAH AND A BIG THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO JUST BUSTED OUT OF THE WOODWORK AND TOOK THE TIME TO COME SEE ME. Ok I'ma stop so I don't get mushy but again you know who all you are and you mean a lot to me for just setting aside time for me.

April 27th 2013 {FB}

Another tube removed this morning. Still not the 2 I wish were gone but doc says they will more than likely be staying put till the day I leave. Breakfast of watered down grits wasn't to appealing but the cream of chicken soup this afternoon has so far been the winner of what I have been able to eat...well other than water, water, and more water. I'm getting to point that I think I really hate my veins. Its becoming a daily thing now where they are having to find a new one...curse you thin rolling uncooperative veins of trouble. Walking a bit more each day and getting my strength back.

27TH

Almost off the pain pump. Taking pain meds by mouth but still hooked up to the pump in case a little extra is needed. Feeding tube will be shut OFF tonight and disconnected. I cant believe how excited I am. So close to going home. Being a good girl and doing what I'm told. Thanks for all the prayers He is awesome!!!

27TH

It doesn't matter how I hold my belly or the pillow over it. Every time I sneeze I feel like its gonna blow wide open..lol

APRIL 29th 2013 {FB}

All these steps forward I've been taking and yesterday I have been pushed back the big green tube has been reconnected. Doc says its not a bad thing. Sometimes you gotta take a couple steps back to take more steps forward.

MAY 1st 2013 {FB}

As of last night I'm all most completely disconnected from everything. All that is left are my 2 tiny drainage bulbs.

1ST

Taking me back for another ct scan around noon. Looking for possible blockage, kink, or a part too narrow. Praying I won't have to be reopened. This is my only hurdle to overcome before getting to go home.

1ST

Results are a bit bittersweet. On the pro side everything looks good just swollen. On the con side, since the swelling is still so much they are reconnecting me to the feeding tube and so on and cutting out my oral intake for now.

MAY 7th 2013 {FB}

Even though I'm still going to  have a feeding tube and a g tube doc says I'm finally going to get to go home either tomorrow or Thursday!!!!!!!!!!!! Have to get a home health nurse set up to get me prepared to live a home with these tubes till I'm healed enough to have them disconnected. It's been a long painful month but I'm getting better and better as the days go by. Looking forward to the brighter days ahead. And again thanks again for the over flow of prayers for healing and a speedy recovery. Even though we have had to back track a tad I'm still getting better at a pretty speedy rate considering all that has been done.

MAY 9th 2013 {FB}

I broke down and cried for the first time today. Today was supposed to be THE day. I was finally supposed to go home and be with my family. But since I woke up sick and dry heaving the doc had no choice but to refuse my leaving. I cant even find the words to best explain how much I miss my family or just the feeling of home. I'm going to stay strong but it's starting to affect me just a tad more each day.

MAY 10TH 2013 {FB}

Doing a little happy dance. The doctor said I can go home today!!!! They are working on my discharge papers now and I'm keeping my fingers crossed I don't get sick.

**PAST POST** 2/22/2013 Checking in and rambling on

It was before Valentines day that I last checked in other than my link ups and time really seems to be dragging in a way lately.

It's unexplainable how time can fly but drag at the same time. It's flying because there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to get done everything I need to do. Yet it's dragging because I'm still waiting on my passport to arrive and also James' tax refund. 

How was everyone's Valentines day??

I would have to say mine was the best I have had of all time. First and for most I'm not to big on Valentines day for the simple fact that I don't think one day out of the year should be used to show someone how much you love them. I believe that should be done year round. As I have said before James is not the lovey dovey smooshie type. He wasn't raised hearing "I love you" and he's not one to just throw that around and abuse the phrase like so many others. At first I didn't like the idea of not hearing those 3 little words but I've gotten used to it and actually not hearing it day in and day out makes it even more special when he does say it. O.k. I'm rambling..lol For our valentines we went out of town alone. He spoiled everywhere we went that afternoon. We started the evening at the mall where I got him a new fishing pole and a bunch of tackle(I chose to think outside the box this year and he really loved it). He got me a dozen beautiful chocolate covered strawberries. Even though I had told him no candy or sweets this year. But I couldn't be mad at him it was so sweet and the darn things were almost $6 each. Then to conclude out lovely day together he took me to one of my favorite restaurants called Razzoo's which is an AWESOME Cajun restaurant. Then it a hour drive back home to a quite house since the kids were already in bed.

The next day was one I will never forget. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted a boxer. Since being with James I figured I might as well hang that up being that he is a tried and true pitbull lover. Don't get me wrong I love them too, but I still secretly longed for the dog of my dreams. WELL, that dream came true Feb. 15th.

I am now the super excited proud owner of my very own 8 week old German Boxer "BRUTUS". He is a silly little buddy. Day one he basically slept all day but after that he has been nothing but a little bundle of energy that makes me laugh a lot!. I am now in the process of crate training for the first time and let me till you! At first it was very challenging until I sat down and googled how to do it properly and found out I was actually doing it all wrong. Now he is doing GREAT and no more whining when he has to go in it, HA and no accidents in the house either. I have to say he is a really smart little guy.

I have started a new way of working out that is really working for me. I don't know why I didn't see it before. I used to wait till everyone was in bed and I was totally exhausted before I did my workout. It was working but I was not enjoying it and you know if your not enjoying yourself your not going to stick with it. Well the idea came to me a little over a week ago while passing by and seeing my oldest son in his room lifting weights. I walked in and asked him how many reps he could do before getting tired. After watching him I repeated it. It was almost amusing seeing the look on his face after witnessing his out of shape mama doing the same as he had just done. So I decided that as a way of supporting each other we could weight train together. He liked the idea and honestly I loved it. Not only are we there for each other it's extra one on one time with my 14 year old son. Well that took care of my weights now what about cardo? There again right in front of my face. My daughter loves doing the Just Dance games on the Wii and PS3 and again a good way to have one on one time with her plus I'm more motivated to try to keep up with her while sharing lots of laughs and dancing our tushes off. So far I'm truly loving my new workout methods and am hoping to find something I can do with my middle child to get him off the couch and moving around more.

I told myself a while back that I wouldn't buy any new clothes till the old ones where falling off. I tried to stick with the thought but it didn't really work. I got so tired of my baggy pants and honestly felt ugly while wearing them. So one day while at a second hand store picking up a blanket for Brutus' crate I chose to get one pair of jeans so that I wasn't always walking around in super baggy clothes. To my surprise and excitement I discovered I had not only gone down a size but actually 2 whole sizes YAY ME!!!! I love my snugger newish jeans and am so happy I'm even closer to my goal weight of 125-30 Lbs. I haven really talked about my starting weight because I felt ashamed for allowing myself to get that big. I am going to post the two pictures that did it for me. Looking at them disgusted me to the point that I knew it was time for a change.

I was 275lbs and absolutely sick and tired of being sick and tired and of being big. I wasn't always a big girl. But I had been for the majority of my life so far. I suffered from depression as a teen and I'm not saying that's 100% to blame for my size but it didn't help and then I suffered a bout with PPD after my 3rd child was born and a I ballooned up again to almost 300lbs. Which to this day is the biggest I have been. Since then it has been an up and down roller coaster. NO MORE!! As I've said many times before and I will continue to repeat it. This girl is making major changes for a better life. I WILL FINALLY BE HAPPY!!!